After the hell
by stellina
Summary: CHAPTER 4 IS FINALLY UP!HOPE YOU LIKE IT!Just a story about the time after Saw I when Lawrence left Adam to get help. Some changes were made from the movie though.
1. Don't leave me

Sorry for my English, I'm just a German Car Saleswoman ;)

_The story's not that special, I just have to explain it a little because I changed some things. It's about what happened after Lawrence left Adam to get some help.But in this story, Jigsaw doesn't stand up, leave the room and lock the door in the end. Actually he's not the "dead" guy in the room, the "dead" guy is, well, just a dead guy in my story ;). To answer the "where is jigsaw then" question: He simply thought they both would die and lost the game, so he stopped watching and started to concentrate on other things ;) Kinda unimaginative, yeah, but I just don't need him to be there so soon ;). I hope you all like the story despite. It's mainly about what happened after Lawrence left and his and Adams relationship after the hours in the bathroom. _

* * *

Chapter 1: Don't leave me

„Please. . . no. . ." Adam begged and grabbed my arm tightly. I felt pain shooting into my leg again. I had surely lost a lot of blood already. But if I wouldn't go and get help now, I would never be able to, neither Adam would be since he was still chained to the pipes. I was slowly bleeding to death and I knew this. I had to get help now, to get both of us out of here. I didn't want to risk my family's life, neither I wanted to risk Adam's, who knows what Jigsaw would do now after Adam had killed Zep. Maybe he already was on his way to my house to finally kill my wife and my daughter. No. . . I just had to get help now.

"Adam, I have to.", I hoped my voice would remain calm and sound reassuring, but it sounded shaky and scared. "No. . .", Adam sobbed desperately, grabbing my face now with shaky hands. He was breaking down, after hours of horror. "It's ok.", I tried to whisper, but the pain wouldn't let me. Somehow my words sounded hard, even though I wanted them to calm Adam down. "It's ok, Adam. I'll come back I promise. I'll get you out of here, get you some help, Adam." I looked at him. He was sobbing, shaking, his t-shirt was a bloody mess around the spot the bullet had hit him. I wished I had never shot him. He saved my life, even after I brought him pain.

He shook his head furiously. "No. . . No, no, no, no, no. . ." I didn't know what to tell him, neither was I capable of thinking of some nice and reassuring words that could calm him down. I mean, what would I do if the only person who had been with me in hell would want to leave me?

"I wouldn't lie to you.", I whispered and this time my voice even did what I wanted. He looked at me, tears in his eyes, breathing heavily. "I wouldn't lie to you", I repeated.

"Don't. . . Don't leave me. . . Please. . .", he sobbed. "I'll get you out of here.", I said, hoping I would manage it. There was a cold feeling coming from my leg that spread out into my whole body. I didn't have much time left. The pain was so agonizing that even moving my little finger to touch Adam's cheek one last time seemed to be a difficult task.

Without one more last word I crawled backwards, turned around as good as this was possible. The pain was eating me up, but I had to go on, otherwise me, my family and Adam would die. Far away, through all my pain, I heard Adam sobbing and pleading for me to stay, but I had to move forward.

I reached the door and looked back. Adam looked so frightened, his eyes were staring at me in horror. He was in such a state of shock that he didn't know why I was leaving and somehow I was sure that he didn't even understand what I had been trying to tell him before. After all, he was just 21 years old, too young to understand all this. And too young to die.

This thought gave me strength and I crawled through the door into the dark. It took me a while until my eyes were used to it. My leg was burning now and I left a bloody trail behind me. There were stairs in front of me. Holy Shit. But I had to help Adam. I just needed to make it out of this house, so people would notice me.

With all my strength I pulled myself up the stairs. The way was longer than I thought. But finally I reached a hallway. I looked left into blackness. I looked right and saw a door with light coming from behind. I crawled and crawled until I reached the door. Oh god, please don't let it be locked. I pulled myself up until I was on my knees and tried to open it. . .

Thanks god it opened. I found myself in the middle of some street, people were rushing by and the first ones who saw me stopped and said something to me but I didn't understand their words anymore. I fell into blackness.


	2. Save

Chapter 2: Save

_A/N: Ok, here's chapter Nr. 2. It's bad, I know. But the next ones will get better, promise._

I opened my eyes. Everything was blurry and white. The blackness was gone and I was looking into something that looked like a Neon light. Was I back in the bathroom? I blinked but it wouldn't get clearer. I looked around a little bit and saw some metal colored shapes. Where the fuck was I now? Was this another one of Jigsaw's sick games? Was I back in that fucked up bathroom? But I couldn't hear Adam crying. Instead I heard a female's voice speaking, her words echoing. I couldn't understand what the woman said, but it sounded very serious.

Fuck. . . I thought. I blinked again. Everything got a bit clearer. I was in a small room, probably lying in some bed. I was scared, I didn't know this room. But I knew the voice in some way, it was so familar and it gave me a feeling of being save.

Suddenly the pain came back, but it wasn't that hard anymore. Actually it didn't hurt more than if I would have been scratched by a cat.Was I dying? But Adam, I had to save him, I couldn't die now. I had to get out of here, out of Jigsaw's sick game, I had to get help for me and Adam and I had to save my family. I tried to move, it was difficult and the pain got harder again, but I managed to struggle a little bit.

The woman stopped talking and it seemed to me like she was looking down on me now because I could see the shapes of her face that looked even more familar to me.

She said something with a very quiet voice now, apparently she was talking to me, but I still wasn't able to understand her. I struggled once more and blinked a few times. The things I saw got clearer again and the first voice I heard was a little girl's voice, my daughters voice. . .

"Mommy, is Daddy waking up?"

"Yeah, honey, I guess so.", the familar voice belonged to my wife. I looked up into her face and yes, there she was. I tried to say something but my mouth was so dry I couldn't say a word.

"Shh. . . Don't talk.", she said and touched my cheek softly. Tears began to well up in my eyes, but they weren't tears of fear and pain, they were tears of nameless relief and happiness. My family was save. There was my daugther. I reached out to touch her hand. She smiled.

"Daddy, I'm so glad you're back here with us!", she said and hugged me.

"Be careful, honey.", I heard Allison say.

"Sorry, Daddy, I didn't mean to hurt you.", Diana said.

"It's ok.", my voice sounded hoarsely, but at least I managed to talk again. "Am I in hospital?"

"Yeah, honey. We thought you were dead, and. . .", she stopped and it seemed that she couldn't go on anymore because she was fighting back tears.

I took her hand. "It's ok, Allie. It's ok.", I whispered. "I'm here with you and I'm alive. I love you Allie. I'm so glad that I've got you and Diana. I feel like the happiest man in the world."

Tears were running down her cheeks and she nodded. "I love you, too", she whispered back.

This moment Veronica, a nurse, came in and told my family to go. "He needs some rest.", she said.

"No, Veronica, it's ok, I'm fine again."

"No, no, no, you need some sleep, Dr. Gordon." I smiled. Veronica was one of the best and most caring nurses I know.

I kissed my wife goodbye and Diana gave me a hug. "I love you, Diana.", I said when she left the room. "I love you, too, Daddy."

I closed my eyes. Everybody was save now, I told myself and smiled. I slowly fell asleep, feeling save again, after spending hours in hell, too weak and tired to think any longer.


	3. Rescue Operation

**Chapter 3: Adam who?**

_A/N: Ok, this one is much better. I hope you still read this story since the last chapter was crap. I'm sorry I didn't put it up on Thursday, like promised, but here it is._

I woke up the day after. The pain in my foot had got harder again, they hadn't given me any more painkillers. So I pushed the button to get the nurse and ordered some.

I felt more relieved than I had felt in years. Everybody was save now. And the police was already searching for jigsaw all over the whole country.

"You're feeling better Dr. Gordon?", the nurse asked me.

"Yeah, I'm so glad everybody's save." The moment I said it I got a bad conscience. I didn't know why, but my mind told me that it wasn't right to say that.

"Yes, so are we, Dr. Gordon."

And it occured to me like a bolt from the blue. Adam. Oh god. Adam. He wasn't still in that room, was he? The nurse was just going to leave when I called out: "Hey!"

She turned around. "Is something wrong?"

"No. . . umm. . .", I didn't really know what to say. God, please let Adam be save, too.

"Umm. . . How is Adam?", if he was, she'd tell me. "Adam who?", she asked and looked at me in question.

"Um. . ." God damnit, what the fuck was his lastname? "I don't know his last name, but he was down there, with me, you know."

She frowned. "Down where?"

Down where? I had spent 8 hours of hell in that god damn room and she dared to ask where?

"Well, in that room!", I snapped.

She shook her head lost in thought. "I'm. . . I'm sorry Dr. Gordon. . . I. . . I don't know. . . I dunno what you're talking about. . .", she stuttered.

I was shocked. And suddenly I started to remember everything. My promise to Adam to get him out of there, my painful way out of the house, people who screamed and talked to me when they saw me lying there, bleeding with just one foot, on the street. And then, I remembered everything going black. Oh god. I hadn't told them. Of course they didn't know. How could they?

But after all, I hadn't been able to tell them. I was unconscious most of the time. But shit. If they didn't know anything about a guy called Adam, he had to be still there. . . Oh god. Oh holy shit.

I swallowed hard. "Is something wrong Dr. Gordon? What do you mean? Adam who?"

I looked at her. Slowly, I forced my mind to think again. "Dorcy. . ."

"Yeah?"

"How long have I been here already?" The moment I said this, I got scared. Oh god. Please, don't let me be here that long.

"For 4 days already.", She answered. I swallowed hard again. Four days. Adam. No. I didn't dare to think about that he probably was already dead now. The fact was clear and hard. He was still down there.

"Dr. Gordon, are you ok?"

"Yeah, um, yeah. Um, no. Dorcy. . . Call the police. Call them, tell them they should come here. Please. Adam, he was with me, locked up in that room. My wife knows about him, didn't she say anything?" I almost screamed now.

"Um, no.", Dorcy looked kind of worried.

"Jigsaw locked the two of us in some bathroom. I had to kill him otherwise my wife and daughter would die. That was the game."

She looked at me in horror. "And. . . what you want to tell me now is. . . That this Adam guy is still down there, locked?"

"Not locked anymore, but chained to a pipe." I said, tears welling up in my eyes. "I shot him, Dorcy, he was bleeding. Oh god. No. I promised to him, Dorcy. I promised to him."

"Calm down, everything will be ok, I hope.", she said.

"I promised to him. I said I wouldn't lie to him. He probably thinks I did now. No." Tears ran down my cheeks. Tears for Adam. He had become a close friend those hours we were locked, chained to pipes. I didn't know why, but there was something that connected us. Somehow, I even felt like a father to him.

Oh no. Oh god. "I'll call the cops", Dorcy rushed out of the room.

Adam. . . Why? Why didn't Allie say anything? She knew about him. She knew that he was locked. Oh holy shit. . . I had to talk to Allie. I had already grabbed the phone when I changed my mind. . . No, not yet. Maybe when we go down there and Adam's already . . .

I stopped thinking. I didn't want to think that Adam could be dead by now. That just couldn't be. He saved my life. He mustn't be dead.

My heart was beating faster than it ever did and I was even more scared than I had been in that room when I heard my family screaming on the phone. Adam. . . No. . . I just had to go with them when they went to get him.

Ten minutes later the police burst into my room. And I told them everything. Everything about Adam. How he had saved my life and how he had cried for me to stay. How I shot him and how much the wound had hurt him in the end. When I was finished, the cop just stared at me in horror.

"And you say, this man is still down there?", he said like he couldn't believe it.

"Yes. . .", I answered, swallowing hard again.

"He might be dead by now.", another cop said. No. There it was, the one thing I didn't even dare to think about, not to mention say it. I shook my head.

"No. . .", I said. "No. . ."

"Dr. Gordon, it might be. But we need Doctors to come with us. Everything has to be prepared."

"Me.", I said, "I can come with you. I'll take care of Adam. He'll be alright I'll make sure that he is."

"That's not a good idea, you lost your foot. It's not healed yet. You shouldn't wear any prosthesis yet."

"I don't care. I'm gonna save Adam and I'm gonna take care of him. And nobody else. Did you get that?"

"What?"

"Did you get that?"

"Well, it's your thing. I was just saying you shou-"

"I WILL TAKE CARE OF HIM!"

A few minutes later I found myself sitting in an ambulance which was driven to the house. It was a little bit scary to go back there after those hours I had spent in that room.

But I had to get Adam. He had to be alright again. I was using crutches, otherwise, I wouldn't be able to walk. My foot hurt like hell again, but that didn't matter to me. I just had to get Adam.

The cops broke into the house, I showed them the way down to the room. I stopped right before the door and told everybody behind me to be quiet. I heard nothing. I didn't dare to call out for him. I was too afraid he wouldn't answer.

Suddenly I heard loud and fast breathing, like somebody was panting for breath. Then something that made me feel even more relieved.

"He. . . Hello? Is anybody there? Are you gonna kill me now or what?" The voice was very weak and sounded like Adam would be in hard pain. Loud and whistling breathing again like he had trouble getting air.

"He's alive.", the cop said with a smile on his face, "what are we waiting for?"

I somehow couldn't go in there again. But I had to. I had to get Adam. I pushed the door open. Adam screamed in horror, not understanding that it was me who stood there.

"NO! NO, COME ON ASSHOLE, COME ON, KILL ME, COME ON!" His breathing was even faster than before and I could see that he struggled for breath now. He started coughing and blood came out of his mouth.

His eyes were wide opened and he stared at me and the cops in blank horror. I ran to him and kneeled down as good as this was possible. "NO!", he screamed in horror, "NO" He was struggling for breath again "Hey. . .", I whispered. "NOO!" The cops started to look around the room and investigated the dead body. Two of them started to free Adam from the chains by cutting them through with a special SAW. "NOOOO!" I touched his intact arm carefully. He ripped it away, wincing in pain. Tears started to pour down his face. "NO. . .", it wasn't really screaming anymore, "No. . . No, no, no. . ." "Stop it!", I screamed at the cops who were freeing him."Stop it, jesus christ, stop it!" They did, looking confused.

Adam didn't recognize me, I was sure of that. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, he was fighting me, but I knew he needed this now, even if he wasn't aware of that. God knows what happened to him those last days and what Jigsaw did to him in the end. He had taken his shirt of, at least it looked like that because it was lying on the other side of the room. I leaned my head to his.

"No. . .", he cried trying to push me away. "K. . . Kill. . ." He started to stutter something but I didn't understand him. "Shhhh. . . It's ok, Adam. . . It's ok. . . Shhh. . .", I whispered into his ear. He struggled for breath, now I could even feel it. He was shaking like hell and he shivered because of fever. His face was pale and there was sweat on his forehead, mixed with blood. He had dark rings under his eyes. I stroked his head, his hair, his back. "Ahh. . .", he cried and more tears came down his cheeks and sickered into my shirt. I had touched something open on his back. I looked at it. It was a cut jigsaw piece. "Oh dear. . .", I said to myself. Jigsaw must have done this. I looked at his shot shoulder. It looked bad and infected. It was bleeding, it seemed like it had just started again. He cried into my chest. It sounded painful and agonizing. He had stopped fighting me.

"Dr. Gordon, we need to take care of him or he will bleed to death." a paramedic said. Of course. But even more than that, he needed me to hold him now. I could feel his heart beating fast and irregularely. It was only me who knew what he had been going through. And god knows what happened after I had left him. He needed me to hold him now.

"Shhh. . .", I whispered again. "Adam. . . it's me, Lawrence. I'm back, you see. . . I'm back. . ." He cried even more. "Hey. . . Shhhh. . . It's ok, Adam. It's over. Shhh. . . Everything's over. . . see. . ."

I felt him grabbing my shirt, like he was holding on to me. "I won't go away ever again. I promise Adam. I will never leave you alone in hell again. You will never have to go through something like that again. It's over now. . . It's over Adam. It's ok, everything's gonna be alright, ok?"

I gave the paramedics a look to bring me some things. While holding and calming him down, I started to clean his gunshot wound a little. "Shhh. . . it's ok. . ." He winced and cried in pain.

"No. . .", he stuttered again. "No. . . No hurt. . . No. . . No pain. . ."

"Shhh. . .", I whispered, not getting any of what he was just saying. "Lawrence. . .", he cried, "Lawrence. . ." Thank god he knew it was me. "Yes, Adam.", I whispered. I went on cleaning the gunshot wound, he cried out loud again. "Lawrence. . .", his hands were holding on to me tightly now, "Lawrence. . . make, make it stop. . . Lawrence. . ."

"I know it hurts, Adam. I know it. I'm so sorry, Adam, I don't wanna hurt you, you know. I'm so sorry. I'm a doctor Adam, I know you're hurt and scared and I know you feel like shit. But I'm here Adam, I'm here, I'm gonna protect you ok? I'm gonna protect you, I promise, I'm gonna protect you now, ok?" I said and stroked his hair again.

He nodded and cried even more. "I have to do this, Adam. I have to clean it. We have to go through this. Nobody will do you harm because I'm here to protect you." I tried to explain it to him, even though I knew he wouldn't understand. I didn't expect him to understand, it wasn't possible after everything he had gone through. I couldn't make him understand that cleaning the wound was necessary. I couldn't and didn't want to. I needed some painkiller first, otherwise I couldn't go on without hurting him. I didn't want him to feel any more pain.

"Lawrence. . ."

"I'll make it stop, Adam, just one second, ok? I'll make it stop in a second.", I whispered.

I had to do everything as calm and slowly as possible, otherwise he would probably start to panic. I searched for a painkiller. Fuck, there was none. But there was one in the ambulance car. I knew that. We had to get him there. We had to get him anywhere, just out of this room. Out of this hell.

"Go on.", I told the cops. They took the saw out again and I pressed Adam's face to my chest so he wouldn't be able to see it. He heard them sawing and started crying louder again.

"Shhhh. . . Adam. . . we're getting you out of here. . . You hear me?" He nodded but somehow he thought they wanted to hurt him or something. When he wasn't chained anymore I let go of him. He clung onto me.

"NO. . .", he almost shrieked. "NO. . ." He held my shirt tightly and I knew he wouldn't let go of it. But I couldn't carry him, my foot wasn't healed yet.

"Adam, just for a second, ok? I'll stay with you, I promise. I wouldn't lie to you, Adam." "NOO. . .", he cried as the paramedics lifted him onto the litter, he had to let go of me and was carried out of the room. Maybe he'll calm down when we are outside, I thought. I took my crutches and followed them.

He screamed and yelled and cried. He cried for me. "Lawrence, Lawrence. . . Lawrence. . . No. . .", he cried again and again.

I don't know how excactly we managed the way up to the ambulance car. My foot hurt like hell and Adam was crying, crying, crying. Crying and Screaming for me. He was in panic. The moment we were in the ambulance car I was next to him again. I forced him into a sitting position, even if I knew that wasn't very good. But I also knew that he felt saver with my arms around him.

He immediately grabbed my arm and calmed down. "I'm here. . . See. . . It's over. . . ya?"

He nodded, still sobbing and panting for breath. "Adam. . . is it hard to breath? You feel like you're not getting enough air or something?"

Another nod. "Ok. . ." I took the respirator and switched it on. "Dr. Gordon!", Dr. Erin Williams said, "Dr. Gordon this guy needs some tranquilizer. . . We have to staunch the flow of blood and clean everything. Otherwise he'll bleed to death!" Adam looked at her in horror and I felt like punching right into her pretty face. Why did she say that, god damnit. He just had calmed down.

"Listen to me, ERIN!", I said, "This is MY patient. And he is MY friend. He saved MY life. And I'm gonna make this as comfortable as possible for him, ok? He's neither bleeding to death nor dying." But it was too late. Adam was already crying again. Damn bitch.

"Adam, it's ok. You're not gonna die, you hear me?"

Another nod. It seemed to me that he was too weak to speak. But deep inside I knew that Erin was right. "Adam. . . I'll give you some air now, ok? Breath slowly, ok? And if you've got enough just tell me, ya?"

He nodded again, still crying. I took a clean muslin bandage and wiped the blood and sweat on his forehead away.

"Law. . . Lawrence. . ."

"Yeah, I'm here, Adam. Everything's ok now. See."

"Lawrence. . . it's. . . so cold. . ."

Shit. We had to hurry, Erin was more than right. He had lost quite a lot of blood. I told Erin to give him painkiller and infusion and I pressed the oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. "Breath calm and slowly Adam, ok?" He cried, frightened from that we suddenly hurried so much. But his life was more important now. This was too much for him. I took some tranquilizer and injected him. Now he would be sleeping soon.

5 hours later. . .

I turned around and looked at Adam, lying in that hospital bed. His shoulder was stitched and clean now, I had wipped all the blood away and he was wearing a new, sterile shirt. The infusion was still running and we had already given him medicine against the infection. He also suffered from pneumonia. If he (or probably Jigsaw) hadn't taken his shirt of, he wouldn't be that ill now. The respirator was still helping him breath, I was afraid he would have trouble with that otherwise. He was also sleeping, we had to operate his shoulder and the narcosis was still working. But he should be waking up soon.

I took a chair and sat down beside his bed. For a moment, I just kept sitting there and watched him in his sleep. My conscience was agonizing. I had just forgotten about him. He had to spent 5 days in hell, without eating and drinking anything. Actually, it's a miracle that he survived. And he was so damn lucky that Jigsaw didn't kill him. Sure, the jigsaw pieces on his back probably hurt him a lot, but he survived – after all.

"You're lucky, Adam.", I said and smiled at him. "You're so lucky. And you're. . ."

. . . such a great guy. I wanted to say. But I couldn't. My conscience didn't let me. I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

"Adam. . . I'm so sorry. . . I'm so damn sorry. . . I just forgot. . ." I sobbed. I didn't know why I was suddenly showing that much emotion. But I felt like Adam was somebody I'd known for years already. We shared something, it was a horrible common ground, but we had shared these hours in hell. He had saved my life. Somehow, I even felt like a father to him. Suddenly I remembered his words when I was about to shoot him.

"_Lawrence, I've got a family too, you know! It's just that I don't see them very often, that's a big mistake but I wish I could make it up again!" _

I looked at him again and caressed his cheek. "I'm going to call your Mom and Dad, Adam. Ok?" I knew he couldn't hear me, but I went on anyway. "I'm gonna call them and tell them that they've got such a great and brave son. They've got a great son, you know. You're such a great guy, Adam, god, I'm so sorry, Adam. . . I'm so sorry, I'm so damn sorry. I'm gonna tell them, ya? I'm gonna tell them, Adam."

I touched his bandaged shoulder carefully. "I'm so sorry for that. God, Adam, I'm so sorry. I hurt you. And you saved my life afterwards. I'm so sorry. I will tell your parents, alright? I'm gonna tell them what you did for me. Ok?"

I was crying quietly and lied my head down onto his chest while whispering those words over and over again. It seemed like eternity.

Suddenly I felt his body moving underneath me. I quickly looked up. "Adam?"

He slowly opened his eyes, looking around confused. "You're in hospital, everything's ok. I'm here, I came back and got you. . . I didn't lie to you, see. . ."

I felt his hand grabbing my arm and his chest moving up and down very fast suddenly. He made muffled sounds under the breathing mask and his eyes were widened. The narcosis was still working a bit, I wasn't sure if he really saw that it was me who was bent over him.

"Adam, don't worry, ok?", I told him, "You're not dead. You're just in hospital and –"

I couldn't even finish my sentence. All of a sudden he sat up, pushed me away and ripped the oxygen mask from his face. I fell to the ground. While I was trying to get up again I could hear him breathing heavily. "WHAT THE -? WHAT THE FUCK!", he screamed. I was so shocked that I didn't know that he probably was just scared, not knowing where he was after Jigsaw's game.

"You brought me HERE now, eh? What you gonna do with me now, MOTHERFUCKER! YOU GONNA PLAY ME AGAIN OR WHAT? NOOOO YOU KNOW WHAT? KILL me, ok! Kill me, I'd really love death after suffering. KILL ME, OK? KILL ME, KILL ME, KILL ME, KILL ME, KILL ME!" He screamed that over and over again. Now I got it. He certainly was in panic, thinking Jigsaw was about to play him again. He had been so weak and ill, that he probably didn't remember anything right now, that we got him out of there and everything.

I tried to get up as fast as I could. I could hear Adam's loud breathing in between the "Kill me"'s. Suddenly he started to cry. "Kill me, now, please. . . I don't want that anymore. . . I don't wanna live on. . . No. . . You're right, you're so GOD DAMN right, you know. I'm pathetic, ok? I'm pathetic, but please, don't badger me anymore, please.. . Please. . . PLEASE. . . Kill me. . . NOW. . . Please. . . Shoot me or something. . . But don't badger me anymore. . . Please. . ." He was crying and I got up just when he was trying to rip the infusion off his arm.

"ADAM!", I yelled in between his "Kill me" screams. "ADAM, IT'S ALRIGHT!" I grabbed his hand, stopping him from ripping off his infusion. He cried and that was when he looked at me. "LAWRENCE!", he cried, trying to hug me with his recent operated shoulder. He was breathing hard and I carefully pushed him back into a lying position. "LAWRENCE. . . Where are we. . .? What is he doing with us now, Lawrence. . . Why. . ."

"Hey. . . Hey, Adam, hey. . .", I said quietly. "LAWRENCE!" he cried again, "What is he doing, Lawrence. What is he doing with us. . . Did he hurt you?"

"No, Adam. . . Hey. . . Shhh. . ."

"WHAT? You want me to be CALM when this motherfucker wants to torment us mercilessly?"

"No, Adam, it's alright. You're in hospital, ok? Just in hospital. I got you out of there. You're here with me now, ok? Jigsaw's being searched by the police right now, all over the country. He cried, breathing heavily, still holding onto me. "It's ok. . .", I told him once more. "You're save now. Everybody's save. I had to operate you're shoulder, Adam, don't move too much." I got hold of his hurt arm and pressed it back onto the bed carefully. It was all for nothing, he grabbed my arm again. He cried and tried to hug me.

"Shhh. . . I'm here. . .", I told him. He was still sobbing. "You understand me, Adam? Everyhting's ok. . ."

He nodded. I guess he was just breaking down now. It had been too much for him.

"We. . . We gonna be ok. . .?", he asked, tears coming out of his eyes. I wiped them away.

"Yeah. . . Sure. . . You're save. Everything's alright, Jigsaw's far, far away now." I felt like I was talking to a child. My child, actually, I felt like he was my son.

He just cried, wanting to hug me. I looked down on him. He looked like a picture of misery.

"Shh. . . Come here. . .", I sat down on the bed beside him and forced him into a sitting position, he immediately grabbed both of my arms. I hugged him tightly and let him cry into my chest. Maybe that was best now.

"It's ok, Adam. . . Shhhh. . . You don't need to be scared anymore. . . I'm here for you. I protect you, Adam, nobody will do you harm."

He just kept crying. He was clinging to me. Suddenly he let go of one of my arms and his hand wandered to his shoulder. He cried in pain, holding it.

"Wanna lie down again, Adam? You know, we just operated it, it still hurts a little. But it will go over, promise. In a few days it won't hurt anymore at all."

He shook his head and clung onto me again. "Shhh. . .", I whispered. "Everything's ok now."

He looked at me, tears coming out of his eyes. "Jig. . . Jigsaw's far away?", he asked, looking at me desperately.

"Yes. . .", I whispered, pressing his head to my chest. "He won't hurt you ever again, Adam."

I would have liked to know already then, what happened after I left. But I didn't want to ask him now, he was still so shocked.

I just let him cry into my chest. Minutes went by. And it seemed like eternity, but I was glad I could hold him here in my arms now and tell him that it's over. He was shaking and I could feel his heart beating damn fast.

But he slowly calmed down. Still sobbing, he closed his eyes and clung on me even more. I didn't want him to cry himself to sleep.

I stroked his hair. "Adam. . .?", I whispered.

He opened his eyes again and looked at me. I thought of something nice, something that could make him happy.

"Know what?", I asked, smiling.

"What?", he sobbed.

"Thank you. . .", I just said. Actually, I was planning on telling him something else.

"F. . . For what?"

"You saved my life."

"Y. . . You save. . . saved mine. . ."

"No. I hurt you." I said and I could feel tears in my eyes. No, Lawrence, don't cry now, I thought. Don't cry now, you need to be stong for him now.

He shook his head and clung on to me even more. He started to cry again.

"And you know what?", I said again.

"What?", he cried.

"I'm gonna tell your parents what you did for me. They will be proud of you." I stroked his hair. "They've got such a brave and great son. I'd be so proud if you were my son, you know. I'd be so proud."

I didn't understand why, but he shook his head wildely and cried even more. "No. . .", he said.

"Why not. . .?" I asked him carefully. "Don't want them to know?"

"Yeah. . .", he cried.

"See?" I smiled. "I'll tell them. They'll be so proud of you."

He shook his head again, more tears sickering into my shirt.

"They. . . They don't care. . .", he sobbed.

"Oh, I think, they do.", I told him.

"No. . . It's my fault. . ."

"What's your fault?", now I didn't understand anything anymore.

"They. . . they gave me away. . .", he even had trouble speaking now because of all the crying.

"What do you mean? Adam, what you mean?"

"They didn't want me. . . I just. . . I just brought them trouble. . ."

"They threw you out?"

He shook his head. "What then, Adam. . .?" He apparently had a lot of trouble talking about it. I stroked his head to calm him down a little.

"They. . . gave me away. . .", he managed to say before he broke down again. Suddenly I began to understand. I understood why he was clinging to me like that.

"They gave you to your aunt or something. . .?", I asked him, still holding him tightly to calm him down.

He shook his head, crying even more. Now I got it. They probably gave him away to some youth care center or something.

"Shhhh. . .", but I didn't know what else to tell him. "How old were you?"

"Eight. . .", he cried. "Don't tell anybody. Please."

"No. I'll keep that for me, promise."

I wanted to ask him why they gave him away. But he probably didn't know himself. I just kept stoking his head. I thought about my childhood. Things like this, my Dad or Mum holding me when I was crying, were very important to me. And I thought of my daughter, all the times when I checked her room because she had had a bad dream. Nobody probably ever did this for him.

I felt tears welling up in my eyes again. I didn't know why I was so emotional. Maybe because I felt connected to him since those hours in that bathroom. Adam didn't deserve something like this. He deserved to be held when he was weak, like I did, now. But actually his father should be doing this. I suddenly understood all that stress and anger he had inside. I didn't understand it back then in the room, I was just nerved by his behaviour. But now I understood.

"I'm sorry. . . I don't wanna bother you so much.", he cried and wanted to lie back into the bed again. But I hold on to him.

"No. . .", I whispered into his ear. "No. . . You don't need to apologize for anything."

He leaned his head on my chest again and I just let him cry. I didn't know what to tell him anymore because I couldn't explain what his parents had done to him. I couldn't even explain that to myself. I'd never do that to my little daugther.

I thought hard about something that could make him happy now. He must love photographing, otherwise this wouldn't be his job. I wasn't angry anymore that he took shots of me, I still didn't think it was ok, but I wasn't angry anymore. And oh well, it was his job.

"Don't cry. . .", I told him and stroked his head again. "You'll be alright soon again. Then you can run around with you camera again, following rich assholes and photographing them while covering themselves with peanut butter and having a 15 hooker gang bang."

He had told me this back then in the room. I was glad when he laughed a little and got calmer.

"And you can take care of your toe nail. . .", I told him, smiling. He laughed again and – thank god – stopped crying. "That's surely urgent.", he said. I had to smile.

Suddenly I came up with an idea. It was my daugther's 7th Birthday in 2 weeks and every year we went to the photographer and had her pictures taken. The pictures weren't that good and my daughter never had fun doing it, the photographer was just an idiot.

"Adam?"

"Yeah. . .?", he looked at me, his eyes red and swollen from crying.

"Would you like to photograph my daugther? Like birthday pictures and Christmas pictures and so on. . ."

He nodded. "Sure.", he said.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head on my chest again. Actually, I should be going to my own bed, but I didn't want to leave him alone this night.

I began stroking his head again so he would remain calm. The narcosis was still working a bit so I hoped he wouldn't have any trouble with going to sleep. I sat like that for a few minutes, until I realized that my foot was still hurting a lot.

"Adam. . .?", I whispered, looking down on him. His breath was steady and calm and his eyes were closed. His face had a sad expression and there were still tears on his cheeks from before.

He was asleep. I carefully lied him down onto the bed again and wiped the tears away. "I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you ever again.", I whispered. I made a decision. I would contact his parents anyway and tell them. Maybe they'd get a grip on themselves and talk to him or something.

I sat down on my chair again and leaned back. While closing my eyes, there was just one thought in my mind.

Jigsaw was being searched, but they still didn't know who he was and where he was. What if he tried to play us again?

* * *

_Thanks for your reviews:-) Prepare for a lovely Jigsaw Comeback soon :-) Please keep reading this story and I really hope you liked this chapter! It got way too much emotion, lol. But I wanted Adam to be a little weak ;-) Please review and tell me what you think about it!_


	4. Water, Cigarettes And Tears

**Chapter 4: Water, Cigarettes And Tears**

I woke up, and all I heard was a weird sound, like water that was dripping from a broken faucet. I didn't dare to open my eyes, somehow it was scaring the hell out of me, so I kept them shut tightly and moved a little bit. My whole body felt so heavy.

I listened to the dripping for a while, slowly drifting away to sleep again, but the sound got more and more intensive and suddenly I heard agonizing cries. I knew who was screaming before I even looked at him. It was Adam.

I opened my eyes. Everything was blurry, like I had just awoken from narcosis or something. I tried to focus on Adam. He was sitting on some dental chair, chained to it. No. Please. The chains looked so familar to me. Lawrence, get a grip on yourself, I thought. After all, there were plenty of chains like these out there. His chest was full of blood, coming from his shoulder. The gunshot wound I had stitched just a few hours ago had been torn open again and Adam was screaming in pain. Suddenly I noticed something else.

A man, wearing a long hooded cloak was standing with his back to me, he was doing something at a sink, I guessed that was where the sound came from. But now I could hear the water running. It looked like the man was washing something.

Suddenly he turned around and faced me. But I didn't really look at him. All I saw was the scalpel he was holding in his hand, blood was dripping from it and spattered all over the sink. Oh my god. My eyes slowly wandered back to Adam, I had still trouble looking at the scene in front of me.

"LAWRENCE! LAWRENCE!" Tears of endless pain were running down his cheeks and I saw that he had tried to escape the chains. His ankles and wrists were sore already. Suddenly I was fully awake. We were in some room and this guy must be Jigsaw.

"You fucking bastard!", I screamed at him, but he just turned his back to me again, continueing to wash his knife. I started to run towards them, but I fell flat on my face. Something was holding me back. I looked at it. I was also chained – to the wall. Right behind me was a HACKSAW, lying on the floor. Next to it was an old tape recorder – full of blood. Adam's blood?

I picked it up with shaky hands and pressed the PLAY button. And all I heard was a freaky – very familar – voice that echoed through the room.

"_Welcome Dr. Gordon. The last time you were able to escape one of my games, even when you had lost. Congratulations, but. . . You and your little friend Adam here were supposed to be left in the room to rot. Well, Dr. Gordon, I want to play another game. But this time, the rules are different. I want you to make a choice. What do you think, doctor, are you able to saw off your other foot? You should be, otherwise Adam will be dead in less than 20 minutes. With every minute that goes by, I will cut his chest - again and again. How much blood does he have to shed to stay alive? How long can you watch him suffering, until you are willing to lose your other foot, too? Or are you just going to wait until he dies of blood loss? Live or die, Dr. Gordon. Let the games begin. . ." _

"Fuck!", I screamed, looking at the scenario in front of me. "Adam!"

He cried, staring into nowhere in shock. I noticed a timer on the wall between me and him. It was placed clever so we both were able to see it.

It read 45 seconds. Just 15 seconds to the first cut. . . I thought. I looked at Adam in panic. "Adam!", I screamed. He didn't react. Fuck, I needed him to communicate with me if we wanted to get out of here. "ADAM! GOD DAMNIT, LOOK AT ME!" His eyes wandered to me slowly, he was in panic, too, and breathing hard. I had to calm him down.

"Adam, are you ok?" He shook his head, and it looked like – thank god – he was slowly recovering his senses. "ADAM, ARE YOU OK?", I screamed again.

Thank god. "No. . .", he cried. "Lawrence, don't do it, please. Don't do it. Just wait until I'm dead and go back home, ok? Please." Tears were running down his face and his eyes were telling me something else. I could see fear and pain. And black despair.

I slowly sat down on the cold floor and looked at the timer again. 56 seconds... I took the hacksaw and looked at it. It was exactly the same which I had used to saw off my foot back then in the bathroom.

58 seconds. . . I looked at Adam again. He was closing his eyes, constricting every muscle of his body. No. . . I thought. No. . . "ADAM!", I screamed again. 1 Min.

Ratsh! A deep cut was bleeding on Adam's chest, almost next to his gunshot wound. He screamed in pain. Suddenly he choked and started to throw up. Fuck.

"ADAM, LOOK AT ME, COME ON!", I screamed, trying to take his mind off the pain. He finally was able to breath again and looked at me.

I glanced at the timer. 1 Min and 32 seconds. My eyes wandered back to Adam who tried to escape his chains again. "LET ME GO YOU FUCKING BASTARD!", he screamed, squirming, with all the strength he had left, to get away. I could see blood coming from his left ankle because of all his fighting against the chains.

"ADAM!", I yelled. "ADAM, GOD DAMNIT!"

He looked at me again, his eyes widened in horror. He had stopped crying. I had to talk to him in a calm way. Ot herwise he would probably freak out.

"Adam. . .", I shortly glanced at the timer again – 1 Min 48 seconds. I had to talk fast. "Adam. . . Don't convulse your body, ok? It won't hurt that much then. Ok? Please, Adam. Try to relax. Please. Do it for me."

I could see all the hope he had left vanishing in his eyes. He started to cry again, with despair. But he was trying hard to realx. 2 Min.

RATSH. Another cut, even deeper than the first one, showed off on Adam's chest. He screamed, but not for long, he was panting for breath after a while, looking at me desperately.

The moment our eyes locked I stopped thinking. I took the hacksaw and started to cut into my flesh deeply – once again. Adam mustn't die.

I could hear somebody laughing and Adam crying for me to stop. "NO! LAWRENCE! DON'T. . . WHAT ARE YOU DOING? FUCK WHAT ARE YOU DOING! WHAT ARE YOU DOING. . . WHAT . . . NOO. . . NO. . ."

I ignored him and went on. I could hear the laughter getting louder and Adam throwing up again. The pain was even worse than the last time. Blood was spattered around and it bled even more because I wasn't using any tourniquet.

"NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!"

And I woke up. The nightmare was over. I was breathing heavily and Adam's screams were still echoing in my head. I didn't dare to open my eyes yet, afraid of what I would see. Maybe everything had been reality. . . No, Lawrence, I told myself. It was a dream, a stupid nightmare, like the ones your daughter always has.

Still with my eyes shut tightly, I touched my left foot, the one that had been chained in the dream. No chain. Thank god. I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. I was still in the hospital room. Everything was ok - but - Adam's screams were real.

He was lying in his bed, struggling, crying, screaming, yelling. "LAWRENCE, NO, GOD OH MY GOD, NO, NO, NO!" I could see tears on his cheeks, pouring down and sickering into the pillow which was already wet from crying.

But his eyes were shut tightly. He was probably dreaming – just like I did before. I got up quickly, sat down on his bed again and grabbed his arms. I pressed them onto the bed because I wanted him to calm down, but it didn't work.

"Adam!", I said, shaking him. "ADAM!" He cried, trying to push me away, still half asleep, but this time I was prepared for something like this and he didn't manage it.

"ADAM!" I shook him wildely. He opened his eyes, still crying a little and panting for breath. He wasn't fully awake yet, so the first thing I did was forcing him into a sitting position and wiping the sweat off his face. He was breathing hard, blinking sleepily. He grabbed my arm, held on to it and leaned his head on my shoulder. I didn't say anything, there wasn't really much I could say. I couldn't take the fear caused by Jigsaw's fucked up game away from him. It had just been too much for him to handle.

He was calming down, which probably meant he realized that it had just been a dream. Thank god. After a while his breath got calmer, his hair was all wet from sweat. He was shaking, but that was because of the fear, I guessed.

We sat like this for a while, me sitting on the edge of the bed, Adam holding onto my arm and leaning on me. I stroked his wet hair.

"Are you ok?", I asked him, talking quietly.

He slowly nodded, grabbing my arm even tighter.

"How you feel?", I continued. I wanted him to talk to me a little, we had to start talking about what happened. I wasn't planning on talking about everything now, but maybe we could start up with the dream he had had just before. I wanted him to understand, it was hard to understand, even for me, but he had to, if he wanted to recover from the trauma he was suffering from. And maybe talking about it would make it a little easier for him to handle everything right now.

"Dunno. . .", he said weakly. "Groggy. Really, really groggy and tired.", he mumbled.

"Yeah. . .", I said, "We had to operate your shoulder, we put you to sleep, I guess it's because of the narcosis we gave you."

He nodded, taking a few deep breaths. "Lawrence?"

"Yes?"

"I wanna go home. . .", he whispered and huddled up against me.

I stroked his hair again. "Yeah, soon, Adam, soon. But not yet.", I whispered back. Sure he wanted to go home, after everything he had gone through he probably just wanted to light a cigarette and relax in his own bed at home a little, I guessed. I wanted to go home to do just this, too, and I even wouldn't say no to a cigarette right now, although I was against smoking. But right now I really wouldn't say no if somebody offered me one. Maybe I would get some later at the small hospital kiosk on the first floor, it was opened 24/7 anyway.

My leg was throbbing and I knew it would be best if I just lay down in my bed, like Adam. But I would stay with him, only for this night.

I looked at my wrist watch. It was 3:50 AM. I decided against asking him about the dream, because it was better if he just went back to sleep. We wouldn't be able to have a good conversation anyway, since the narcosis was still doing it's job.

"Wanna go back to sleep?", I asked him quietly. He shook his head, clinging to me again.

"But you're sooo tired, Adam. . . Come on. . . Just close your eyes for a few more hours. Just a few more hours." He shook his head again, but he looked so sleepy that I went on trying to convince him otherwise.

"I'll stay with you this night. I'll stay right here next to your bed and you just close your eyes and go to sleep for a few more hours. Ok?" No success.

"No. . . ", he whispered. He was so dazed with sleep that I was sure he didn't even understand what I meant.

"I want a cigarette. . .", he mumbled. I stroked his head.

"Not now. . .", I told him, "You can smoke again when you're healthy."

"But I NEED one. . ."

"Yeah, I know. . .", I said. "But you can't smoke now, Adam. You can't."

"I've been smoking for 7 years, I need a smoke now.", he grouched. "I need it, Lawrence, please, Lawrence, please. . . Please. . ."

He was suffering from pneumonia, I couldn't let him smoke now. I had to stay hard, even though it was difficult because I knew how he felt and that his body was probably screaming for some nicotine.

"I know you need it, Adam.", I stroked his hair to calm him down a little. "But it's just not possible right now. Come on. . ."

"I haven't smoked for such a long time. . .", he almost cried.

"Adam, I know, come on, get a grip on yourself. It's just addiction.", this was getting on my nerves.

He started to cry a little. Why the hell was he crying now? "Adam. . . hey. . .", I wrapped my arms around him tightly. "It's not that bad. . . come on. . . It's just addiction. . ."

Everything was just too much for him. I stroked his hair. "I need one, Lawrence, please. . .", he was grouching again. "Please. I need it. It hurts so much, please, I need it. Please, I need a cigarette, please. . . It hurts so much, please. That hurts so much, please. Oh please. . ."

"What hurts you?"

"Please. . . I need it. . ."

"Adam, what's hurting you?"

His hand wandered to his shoulder and he pressed against it, breathing hard in pain. Now I understood. The painkiller we gave him shortly after the operation probably wasn't working anymore.

"Ok. . .", I whispered. "Want me to make it alright?"

He nodded, still holding his shoulder in pain. "I need a cigarette. . .", he told me once again.

"I know. . .", I said. "Lie down again, come on."

He shook his head and clung onto me. "I'll be right back, Adam. I'll just get you a painkiller. Ok?"

He nodded and lay down carefully. I took my crutches and left the room.

This was all way too much for Adam. He desperately needed some sleep, the narcosis was still working and fighting against it certainly wasn't good. I made my way down the stairs to the first floor. I passed the kiosk and entered the medication stock.

I grabbed some strong tranqulizer that would make him sleep and a painkiller. I also took two syringes, I'd better inject him. I was afraid he would throw up if I gave him any pills.

I went back into the hallway, I stopped and looked at the kiosk. No, I wouldn't get him the needed cigarettes. I had to stay hard. He suffered from pneumonia, I couldn't let him smoke just like that. . . Oh fuck it, I thought. After everything he'd gone through he certainly deserved a smoke. I bought some Marlboros and went back to Adam's room.

He was still lying in bed, holding his shoulder in pain and staring to the ceiling. I sat down on the edge of his bed again.

"Adam. . ."

"Yes?", he said.

"I want you to hold still now. You think you can do that?"

He nodded, looking at me fearfully. "I'm not gonna hurt you. . .", I told him, "I'll just inject you something against the pain. It won't hurt."

I filled the syringe with the liquid painkiller. "Come on. . .", I told him, "Take off your shirt."

He had trouble doing that because his shoulder was aching so much, so I put the syringe aside and helped him a little.

"Ok, here we go. . . Hold still, ok? It's just a little prick. Try to relax, then you won't feel anything."

I carefully pricked into his muscle. He winced a little. "Relax. . .", I told him once again. When I was finished I helped him putting on his shirt again. "See, wasn't that bad. . . It will be better in a few minutes. . ."

He lay down again and took a few deep breaths.

"I've got a little surpise for you. . .", I told him, smiling.

"What is it?", he asked.

"Wait and see. . ." I took the cigarettes out of my pocket and gave him. He let out a sigh of nameless relief. "Thanks. . .", he whispered.

"No thanks. You deserve these.", I told him. I took the cigarette packet out of his hands, opened it and gave him one of these cancer sticks and a lighter. I felt a little bad because he certainly wasn't in such a good condition that he was able to smoke again. I secretly hoped the smoke would hurt his lungs because of the pneumonia, so he wouldn't want the cigarette anymore. He was way too young to have such a terrible habit.

He lit the cigarette and took a huge drag. He let the smoke rest in his lungs for a while until he breathed it out, smiling with relief. It seemed to calm him down a lot and ease all this pain he had. Maybe it wasn't that bad after all.

"Is it good?", I asked him, looking worried. It still was a big risk because of his pneumonia.

He nodded, smiling. I had never seen him smiling that happily before. He took another drag, and suddenly he had to cough and held his chest.

"Hurts a little, eh?", I asked him.

"Yeah. . . But it's alright. . . It's great. . .", he whispered, "Thank you. . ."

"It's ok. . .", I told him, "Just stub it out if it hurts too much." He nodded, but it didn't seem to hurt him a lot.

"Had a bad dream before?", I asked him quietly. Maybe we could talk a little since he was calming down now.

He nodded and took another deep drag of his cigarette, like it was the only thing that comforted him. I realized that his hands were suddenly shaking and sweat started to appear on his forehead again.

I had to go on asking, no matter how hard this might be for him. "What was it about?" He stared into space, not answering my question. "What did you dream of?" He slowly shook his head, and it looked like he was about to cry.

I carefully touched his arm to give him a little comfort. "Did you dream of the bathroom?"

He nodded and a tear made its way down his cheek. "Ok. . .", I whispered, I took his hand into mine. He desperately needed some comfort now, and I kind of was the only who was able to give him. I knew what he had been going through. "What happened in the bathroom?", I whispered, I carefully touched his artery to feel his pulse. It was banging fast against my fingers.

He took another huge drag of the cigarette. His eyes were scanning the room in fear as if he expected something terrible to happen.

"What happened in your dream?", I asked again. I could feel his pulse going faster. It was agonizing to feel his fear, but I knew I had to do this. Otherwise I would never see him smile without any worries ever again. And I wanted to see this so desperately after all those hours I saw him cry.

He didn't answer my question. A few more tears made their way down his cheeks. He shook his head again and sobbed. "It's ok. . .", I told him, grabbing his hand tightly now. I was still controlling his pulse, so we could stop it before it got out of hand. "Everything's ok now. . . You can tell me. . . Nothing's gonna happen to you, I make sure of that. . . I'm here to protect you, Adam. All night long. You know that, don't you?".

He nodded and looked at me insecurely. For a moment I could feel his pulse slowing down a little. He took another drag of his cigarette with shaky hands.

"We. . . we were in that room. . .", he told me, crying. I nodded and he grabbed my hand even tighter. It was hard for me to realize how scared he actually was. "And. . . And you. . .", he shook his head wildely as if he wanted to shake off all these bad thoughts he had.

I knew what he had dreamed about. But I wanted him to tell me. "What did I do. . .?", I asked carefully.

"I. . . I. . . I don't know. . . I don't know what you did, ok? I don't know that, I don't know, I don't know that, I don't know what you did, I don't remember, I –", he broke down in tears. I reached out to give him a hug and he fell into my arms, crying and repeating those words over and over again. "I – I don't remember this, I don't know this anymore, ok? I forgot, yeah? I forgot it. . . I just forgot this. . . I'm sorry, I forgot it, I forgot it, ok?"

"Yeah, that's ok. . . Shhhh. . .", there wasn't anything else I could think of. I took the cigarette out of his hand and stubbed it out. I wanted him to tell me so desperately, but he obviously wasn't able to yet. Suddenly I felt sorry for what I forced him to think about.

He stopped crying all of a sudden and I could feel his breath going fast and irregularely against my neck. He wrapped his arms around me. This was probably hurting him a lot since he was injured, but he held on to me tightly.

I hugged him tightly, too, although I wasn't really happy about what he did with his recent operated shoulder. I felt him wincing in pain, his breath still going fast. His heart was beating like hell.

I carefully caressed his back to calm him down, his entire body was shaking.

"Law – Lawrence?", he whispered.

"Yes?"

"Are you ok?" I hadn't expected this question.

"Yeah. . . Sure, Adam. . . Sure. . . I'm alright. . .", I told him, even though it wasn't true. My leg was throbbing and I was damn tired, but I had to be there for him now, no matter what.

"This hurts so much. . .", he whispered and I could feel his body tense.

"Yeah, but it's gonna be better soon. . . Just wait a few more minutes." I whispered back.

"Is it bleeding?", he asked. What kind of weird question was this? I frowned.

"Um. . . No, Adam, we stitched it.", I reassured him.

"Ok. . .", he whispered. "But it hurts so much. . ."

"I know. . . And I'm so sorry, Adam. . . This is all my fault." I felt weighed down by guilt. I had shot him, I was the reason for his pain, for his crying. He had to see things, things which were more than just too much for him to handle. He was unable to cope with everything that happened.

I could feel his body tense again.

"Relax. . .", I told him, leaning my head to his. "Just relax." He started to cry again. I didn't know what to do anymore, I just kept stroking his back to comfort him.

I turned my head a little so I could whisper into his ear. "Just relax. . ."

"Why?", he cried.

"The pain will just get worse otherwise. . .", I whispered.

"Why does it hurt so much?"

"Because it's not healed yet. . .", to be honest, this wasn't really the best explanation, but it was the most gentle one I could give. I didn't want to tell him that the bullet had gone right through his shoulder and destroyed this and that. It would have made him even more scared than he already was. He needed answers to his questions right now, indeed, but I had to tell him everything as gentle as possible, otherwise he would probably freak out.

He started to cough into my chest. I carefully pushed him back into a lying position. "Lie down, Adam, come on, lie down again." He shook his head and wanted to fight me, but the pain wouldn't let him.

"What – what... what are you doing?", he cried, his eyes widened in fear.

I took the other syringe and filled it with the tranquilzer. Adam was breathing heavily.

"No. . .", he stuttered, "No. . . I. . . I wanna. . . no. . . NO!"

I touched his cheek carefully to calm him down. "What is this?", he asked, still frightened.

"Just against the fear. . .", I whispered. I didn't want to be too honest, somehow I knew he wouldn't let me inject if I told him that it would also make him sleep.

"Give me your arm. . ." He didn't move.

"You sure?", he asked, looking very serious suddenly.

"Yeah, Adam, I'm pretty sure. . . It will just calm you down. . ." He didn't trust me. Well, that was understandable in some way, I wouldn't trust a person who had shot me just a few days ago, either.

"What if you're lying?" he whispered, watching my hand with the syringe closely.

"I wouldn't lie to you. . .", I whispered back. Our eyes locked and he slowly nodded. "Ok?", I asked quietly.

I carefully took his hand into mine and pricked into his vein. I felt him grabbing my hand tightly as I did this. "It's ok. . .", I told him the moment I pulled out the needle. I looked at him, tears were running down his cheeks again.

I put the empty syringe aside, still holding his hand to make him feel a little bit safer. I caressed his cheek carefully. "It's just too much, eh?", I whispered. He nodded, but wasn't crying anymore. The tranqulizer was already showing its effect – thank god.

"Does your shoulder still hurt?"

He shook his head. "A little. . .", he said weakly.

"Is it bad?"

"No. . . Not anymore. . .", he said, staring into space.

I reached out and carefully touched his bandaged shoulder. He backed away in fear, but relaxed when I just let my hand rest on it. I only wanted him to trust me a little, maybe this would help.

"I'm so sorry about that. . .", I whispered, stroking slightly over the bandage.

There was a long moment of silence. I wished nothing more than that he would just tell me that it was ok or something. But I guessed it wasn't ok, not at all. Maybe he'd forgive me some day. I felt tears welling up in my eyes again. No, Lawrence, you mustn't cry, I told myself as I was fighting back tears of guilt. I had to be strong for Adam. I was the older one, the one who understood what happened, wasn't I? I was a grown-up, I had to protect him, protect him from everything that happened.

"Lawrence?", he asked, his voice sounding like he would fall asleep any second.

"Hm?"

"I'm. . . I'm so tired. . .", he mumbled and grabbed my arm.

I carefully put my hand on his chest to control his breath a little without making him scared. He would fall asleep soon now and I didn't want him to dream again, so I had to make sure that he would remain calm now.

"Yeah. . .", I whispered. "Close your eyes. . . just for a few minutes, Adam."

He shook his head and I could feel his chest moving up and down under my hand. His breath was calm because of the tranqulizer, but when I studied his eyes for a moment, I could still see a little bit of fear.

"Why not?", I asked quietly.

"I don't. . .", he yawned and blinked sleepily, "I don't wanna go to sleep."

"You don't have to.", I told him, "Just close your eyes and relax. . . Just for a few minutes, Adam, please. . ."

"But you won't leave me, will you?", it sounded as if he'd know that he was going to fall asleep as soon as he would close his eyes.

I shook my head. "No. . . I won't. I'll stay right here with you. All night long. I promise."

He nodded, yawning again. I gently touched his cheek. He closed his eyes and I somehow knew that he felt save now. Save because I was there. And it gave me a feeling of pride, a father's pride, as if he would just make his first steps. I didn't know why, but I felt myself melting into a puddle of Daddy, even though he wasn't my son. But that didn't matter to me, the only thing that mattered was Adam right now, finally falling asleep without any fear. And just because I was THERE.

"Everything's ok. . .", I whispered. "You can close your eyes and go to sleep now. Nothing will happen to you, I make sure of that."

He nodded, eyes still closed and already half asleep. I bent over, my hand still resting on his cheek, and kissed him softly on his forehead. I grabbed his hands to show him that I was actually really there, watching him in his sleep, all night long, like I had promised, even though he didn't realize that anymore because he was already fast asleep by that time.

Miles and miles away, a tall, thin, but yet not skinny man, wearing a dark long hooded cloak was pacing nervously in an almost empty room. He was talking to himself quietly, coughing violently now and then. Suddenly he stopped, turning his face to the only source of light in the almost compeltely dark room, a very small naked light bulb. He clenched his fists while saying one last sentence loud and clearly to himself, before he turned around and rushed out of the door.

"I won't let you win that easy.", his rusty voice echoed through the dark chamber


End file.
